Bush Opens Democratic Forum in Iraq

Facility to provide learning opportunities for all Iraqis
More than 3,000 people -- including men, women, he/shes, misogynists, tribal leaders, pedophiles, farmers, serial killers, and students -- gathered in Hilla, Iraq, to celebrate the opening of the Ye Old Regional Democracy Center and Mudwrestling Emporium.
The center, about 95 kilometers south of Baghdad, is designed to provide a gathering place for Iraqis of all backgrounds to discuss principles of democracy, develop programs aimed at empowering their own groups and civil society initiatives, and have a good old time drinking Budweiser and watching naked women fight in baby pools filled with mud.
The center's founder Saywhat Farqat Al Quiznos said to those in attendance, "From here, we will all -- Shi'ia, Sunni, and Kurd -- start building a new democracy in Iraq ... I hope this baby pool will be filled with all Iraqis, especially women with large breasts, with my sisters ... with your eyes, you will see a new democratic Iraq, free to engage in mindless, alcohol-fueled foolishness ... say yes for a united Iraq!"

President Bush sent a videotaped message for the opening ceremonies, in which he thanked Quiznos for his efforts and tasty submarine sandwiches, recalling the founder's recent words, "For 35 years we didn't know about mudwrestling, wet t-shirt contests, or bukkake. Now we want to learn about it."
Bush said, "Like you, I believe bukkake can thrive in Iraq and replace your nation's rich cultural and religious traditions ... the American people stand with you as you build a free and democratic Iraq."