Academia +Tennessee=?

My Christmas break is nearly over and soon it will be time to go back to "work" as I will loosely refer to my employment. Theoretically, I teach college freshmen the finer points of writing and grammar. What I really do is try to keep from laughing out loud at my so-called students who don't seem to be able to follow the simplest set of instructions.

"What up, teach?"
For instance, any moron who has been to college knows that a fucking syllabus is a rather important document giving the student important due dates, schedule of assignments, contact information, etc... My brilliant students routinely throw theirs in the trashcan on the way out of class, leave them lying on the floor, or lose them sometime between the start of classes and the day of their final when they inform me "I didn't know I was suppose (sic) to keep all my essays and turn they (sic) in."
Brilliant!

"What's a verb, Dude?"
Of course, in a writing class one would presume that writing would be involved, right? Using a computer, right? Typing, in other words, right?
"I cain't use no computer, Professor King, cuz I ain't got no computer skills. Can I hand write my 10 page research paper with a magic marker on paper towels? By the way, I never heard of J.D. Salinger. Can I do my paper on 50 Cent?"
Exemplary!
Even those with "skills" seem to have no idea what proofreading pertains to, hence these lovely sample student sentences:
"Well, that's her in a nutsheild"
"Sexually transmitted disease can leave scars on your gentiles."
"A central theme in Shakespeare's MacBeast is guilt."
Sublime!
Still, some students go above and beyond the call of duty; case in point the overachiever who, after completing his essay on the day of the final, sat back down and waited ever so patiently until all the other students had left. When I asked him if there was some final bit of wisdom he wished to glean from me, he said "I just wanted to know what was for homework?"
Genius!