Hi, everybody. It's awful, just terrible! The truth, that is. Well, they just don't make Hollywood marriages like they used to...or do they? True to my predictions, Brad and Jen finally broke up their abomination of a relationship, I mean, come on, do you really expect me to believe someone with Brad Pitt's ego would tolerate that shit-for-brains Anniston? Bring on Angelina Jolie and let the good times roll!




Is it true that Jim Carrey's career is over? My source in La-La Land spotted the wild man wandering down Wilshire Blvd. recently with the press clippings for Lemony Snicket pinned to his shirt and a revolver stuck in his mouth. Ouch!

It's official: Everyone on Planet Earth hates Ashlee Simpson. Even her own sister, adorable, but possibly retarded, Jessica Simpson, calls her little chump sister "gross." A petition is currently being circulated on the internet pleading for the brunette sack-of-shit "entertainer" to commit suicide as a form of penance and to aid Tsunami survivors. You go, Earthlings!

Well, that's all for now. My pool boy just arrived so it's time for my afternoon Cosmopolitan and B.J. Remember: It may not be true, but it's still awful!