YEHAW!! TENNESSEE STRIKES AGAIN!

A bold soda-fueled crime spree came to an end Thursday when Federal Agents put an end to a modern day Bonnie and Clyde team of desperate, caffeine-addicted killers whose three-day rampage left one Tennessee sheriff dead and his partner mortally frightened. The drama played out like a Hollywood Z-Grade film: two inept but seriously deficient criminals pulled off the crime of the half-hour by staging a daring and poorly planned escape by first using an underpowered Ford Explorer, and then a taxi cab to blazingly meander their way to an eventual capture at a soon-to-be famous EconoLodge in Ohio, but not before putting up a staggeringly vicious surrender hiding under the inhumanly scratchy blankets provided by the hotel.