More Religious Tolerance Fun!

The Rev. Fred Phelps is on a campaign to enlighten Americans on why God hates nearly everything about America. On his site, God Hates America, Fred details how God, not Osama Bin Laden or Al Qaeda, destroyed the WTC. (It does make sense you know. If anyone had weapons of mass destruction, it'd be God).


But Goddamn it! Enough's enough! What the hell's wrong with Hawaii? Does God hate poi or something? Not fond of Don Ho records are you God? Someone please ask Fred Phelps to explain himself. In English!

Last Night I Had the Strangest Feeling...

So Which is It?

This informational handout comes to us courtesy of the reknowned Dr. Henrik Ziegler. Feel free to print some and distribute them in your neighborhood. At night. In the Dark. Dressed as a ninja. Because people who drive these fuckers are usually carrying guns and will kill you.

People like your friendly local Preacher.

Or a SWEET SOCCER MOM.

Maybe a kindly OLD MAN.

Or a high school CHEERLEADER.

Don't forget our highly-trained armed forces!

And even the President of the United States!

Fun With Comic Covers

The Christian Coalition-approved Super Hero!

The Jeebus Will Kill You Because it's Good to Hate

Robin the Boy Bitch!

Robin the Boy Wonder was some kind of slave boy bitch for not only Batman, but also Superman. What, did they double-team his ass or trade him back and forth? This came from a funny site I found thru Fatrobot (thanks!)which points out how much of an asshole Superman could be in the 50s and 60s for the most part.
In a related story, Superman's problems with aggression apparently stem from his LACK OF A PENIS!

Oh No!

This is also scary!
Click on the picture for the full effect. Note the Carrot Patch!

Scary Babies

These damn babies are freaky-real! Don't go to sleep with one of these in your hand cause it will creep up on you and steal your breath away!

Want More Hollyweird Stuff?

Chris Nolff's post about the Goddess Bunny reminded me of another Hollywood nutjob. Shaye St. John is equally disturbing, yet in a fascinating way if you enjoy David Lynch sort of weirdness. Check it out for yourself.

Terrorism Takes Many Forms

Kids in Chattanooga will do anything to avoid the shitty education being offered by Hamilton County. This is a real story from Monday:

Red Bank high school students will hit the books tomorrow after an unexpected day off yesterday.

Cleaning crews spent hours yesterday cleaning up gallons of fecal material splattered throughout the building. School officials say vandals hit the lockers, cafeteria, stairwells, classrooms, and hallways. They aren't sure what type of fecal material was spread.

More than two dozen workers scrubbed the building with bleach and other cleaners. The Health Department says the good cleaning is why school will be back in session.

"Because of the effort they've made, targeting and general cleaning, sanitation and disenfection, we feel it's safe for the students to return," said Dr. Valerie Boaz.

Hamilton County Schools Superintendent Jesse Register says this was more than just a prank. Red Bank police have several leads and are studying surveillance tapes to try to catch the culprits.

So what's Jesse Register's implication here? "More than just a prank?" Terrorists, perhaps? Disrupting America's school sytems? I found this clue myself. The apparently Greek band known as, I kid you not,
FECAL MATTER!



Oh yeah, I'm onto these fuckers. Spreading their shitty message across America's heartland!

It's Fun to Make a Hat and Purse from Eggagog

Is this the Breakfast Creep?

Colonel Angus for President?

Is he truly running for President? Well, he should do well way down south where the ladies love to see his shiny face. But you can only take so much of Colonel Angus.

Ugly, Drunk, and Stupid

This is why I don't like most people!

Great Literary Moments in America

GREAT NATION!

Rednecks are an interesting breed of American. In fact, they are very much all-American since most everyone else in the world sees Americans as loutish, crude, insincere, vain, beer-swilling, Jesus-loving morons. Here's a typically stupid train of thought: READ THIS!
My good buddy Thompat sends his love to all and reminds us Southerners (and the general redneck in the rest of the Union) what it's all about.
SEE A MOVIE NOW!

Thanks Indy!

YEHAW!! TENNESSEE STRIKES AGAIN!

A bold soda-fueled crime spree came to an end Thursday when Federal Agents put an end to a modern day Bonnie and Clyde team of desperate, caffeine-addicted killers whose three-day rampage left one Tennessee sheriff dead and his partner mortally frightened. The drama played out like a Hollywood Z-Grade film: two inept but seriously deficient criminals pulled off the crime of the half-hour by staging a daring and poorly planned escape by first using an underpowered Ford Explorer, and then a taxi cab to blazingly meander their way to an eventual capture at a soon-to-be famous EconoLodge in Ohio, but not before putting up a staggeringly vicious surrender hiding under the inhumanly scratchy blankets provided by the hotel.

Fighting the Good Fight!

This is a funny blog entry I found a while back, which a lot of people saw I'm sure, but I thought I'd bring it up again since I find it very amusing to screw around with fast food places because:

a) they always fuck-up even the simplest request,
b) I still get mad when I think of the time I was at Wendy's, and I watched as the girl who was fixing my food was simultaneously sucking on the tip of one finger, and
c) Once at Taco Bell I found something undefinable in my taco. Possibly a testicle, but I can't prove it.

Read and enjoy one man's silly battle with a fast food giant:

The first major battle in my second war with Wendy's was fought yesterday. Megan Kennedy, Andrea Grant, and Mike Lilly backed me up as we took on the manager of the Wendy's on the corner of Pensacola and Ocala. You see, it all began a couple of weeks ago when I was ordering at the "pick-up window." I noticed the line, "Double the Beef just add 89¢" [see image above]. Though I am not as well versed in the technicalities of English grammar as I would like to be (or as I have led some to believe), I do know that "double the beef" means no more and no less than twice as much beef. It was clear that if I bought a Classic Single and choose to double the beef for a mere 89 cents, I would have two patties. But what about invoking the "double the beef" offer for the Classic Triple? The pricing scheme would indicate that what they meant was not actually doubling the meat, but rather just adding one more meat square. The problem is, it clearly states "double." Initially, the plan was to enter the restaurant and battle inside, but the priceboard inside lacked the "double the beef" offer, so we hopped back in our car and hit the drive-through line. I ordered a Biggie fry, a Triple stack, and then I asserted that I would like to "double the beef by adding just 89 cents." They called me up to the window to clarify. "You want two triples or six all in one sandwich?" I explained that I would like six, all stacked up together in a single sandwich. The total was more than $8. "How is it $8?" I inquired. She explained to me that each extra patty was $.89. Then I explained to her the concept of doubling. I showed her on my calculator watch. I explained to her that the sign says "double the beef" and that giving me only one extra patty for 89 cents is less doubling and more multiplying by 4/3. I even used quarters stacked in a pile of three to illustrate how adding only one more patty was certainly not doubling anything at all. It took about half an hour of blocking up the drive-through and explaining what "double" means before the manager finally relented: She told me that if I could prove that I was capable of taking a bite out of a six-stack, she would double my beef for just 89¢. I took that bite, which was certainly the hottest thing I've ever consumed. It burned my entire mouth, but if I spit it out and gave up now, I would have lost all my dignity. So, I just kept chewing through the pain, sort of like Curt Schilling in Game 2.
2/27/05: Andrea sent me her camera-phone pic of me actually biting into the six-stack and burning my mouth...