The Jesus Christ Guide to Holiday Happiness!

Step One: Always look presentable. You never get a second chance to make a first impression.


"Take a bit more off the top...He can't look like a stinkin' hippie at Grandma's house," says J.C.

Step Two: Don't be an Apologist for the Liberal Left. A job worth doing, is worth doing RIGHT!


"It's okay," says J.C. "Foreclosing on that black family's home at Christmas is the Christian thing to do! After all, they probably empower the use of drugs by not cooperating with the bank."

Step Three: Even Rock and Roll has its place, but choose carefully!

"Oh, good. 'Dust in the Wind' is a much better choice than 'Stairway to Heaven'!" says a pleased savior. "And just between you and me, Jimmy Page really did sell his soul to Satan!"

Step Three: Don't question faith! Just BELIEVE!

"Remember," says a happy host, "The key to telling a good lie is believing it yourself!"

Step Four: Take education with a grain of salt. After all, it's not really all that important.

"Now, be careful, don't believe everything you read. They can't prove the theory of evolution," says a cautious Creator, "But remember that hell is real!"

Step Five: The War on Terrorism is our most important task! Do your part to defend me from those heathen hordes!

"Now drive straight on through that roadblock," says a determined Prince of Peace. "The insurgents never fire on contracted Haliburton employees! Especially at Christmas!"

For an extra special Christmas message from J.C. go here