Oh, You Silly Humans

I've noticed, over the course of my many years of observation of the human creature, that human beings are retarded in many ways. We vote into office ridiculously inept and dangerous leaders, we will consume lethal amounts of drugs and alcohol and then confidently attempt to pilot 2,000 pound death machines, and we will generally have sex without regard for disease, common sense, smelly odors, bad reputations, or a serious beat-down.

A very curious habit of the human is the ability and even desire to eat some weird fucking food and beverages. I don't even mean the normal weird foods like escargot or McDonald's. I mean some seriously bizarre crap that should never be placed in one's mouth, let alone be ingested. It's just not civilized! Sure, it's funny when my dog trails along behind my cat waiting for a turd to drop so he can gulp it down. Dogs are well known to be stupid! So why should I eat dog food? Or why I would chose to eat a freaking pig's foot just because it's sitting pickled inside a jar at the grocery? Am I a brine addict? Maybe it's curiosity? Well, be curious no more gentle reader. Here is a guy who will take all the guess work out of consuming the unconsumable for you. Meet Steve, the FOOD AND WINE GOURMET

The Aristocrats

In "The Aristocrats," which debuts in U.S. theaters on Friday, comedians Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette, who is part of the team Penn & Teller, chose 100 comics from Robin Williams to Eddie Izzard to tell the same, dirty joke.

There is only one punchline but as many ways to tell the joke as there are comics. The filmmakers' goal is two-fold: making audiences laugh and showing how comic minds work. THE JOKE

Back to the Sanatorium Professor, You Aren't Well!

Gee-whiz, there's a 97% chance that God exists. When faith fails you, just go to the odds! Prof. Richard Swinburne apparently said that the probability that God raised Jesus Christ from the dead is 97%, according to this article on ReligionNewsBlog.

The article says that Prof. Swinburne has substantiated this computation in one of his books. Of course, what is the margin of error here? Measurements only make sense if three things are specified: data, error, and unit of measurement, and the measurement must be reproducible, according to some well-specified method. Statements like "there was a one in 10 probability that the gospels would report the life and resurrection of Jesus in the form they do" seem to me fairly generic, difficult to support, and even careless. I guess I'm just a skeptic.

Bad News for the Deep-Sea Creeps!

Sorry creeps! You had your chance to get off the spaghetti dinners!

Now Mrs. Winkles will consume you creep-wise!!!!

WOWIE-ZOWIE!!!

Just Add Water

The Chinese have gone mad. Chinese women have discovered that by placing their babies in water, the babies will automatically multiply.
Take one Asian baby, and place him or her into some water:

The baby plays for a moment:

And then, WOW!

But, wait a few more moments, and again, DOUBLE WOW!

So before you know it:

And what are we doing with babies in America?

Americans are pathetic.

America Drinks and Goes Home Vol. II

"MySpace.com is so 5 minutes ago!" This is according to the hipsters taking my freshman composition class this summer who hang around Hot Topic at the mall, drink endless cappacinos, and discuss the relative merits of Good Charlotte vs. The Clash (by the way, these two bands should never be mentioned in the same sentence ever again!).
The New Big Deal is apparently Catch 27. While similar to MySpace.com, Catch 27 has the distinction of being entirely more narcissistic, egotistical, temporary, and greedy. If you happen to look like Christopher Robin (you can't make up shit this goofy)just invert all of my assessments. Or, straight from the whore's (horse's?) mouth: "Catch27 is more or less kind of like MySpace, except it's a network of hot/interesting/original/intelligent/creative people. Instead of pissing away your time adding morons, hair bands, and dipshits.. you could be..." adding a whole bunch of other morons, hair bands, and dipshits to your list of faux friends.
Okay, so I have to admit, I have a MySpace account also, but it's just for my band to post MP3s. All of our "friends" are other bands for the most part, and we only have 50 or so, not some ridiculous bullshit like Christopher Robin's (Jeez, this guy is a FAG!!) 90,000.
It looks like the average age of these Catch27ers is about 16, yet you'll see so many photos of juvenile asses and tits on the damn site you might worry the FCC will raid your PC for child pornography.
But back to C.R. for a moment. Check out the TeddyBear in the background...get it? Winnie the Pooh? Christopher Robin? Good God these emo guys are a bunch of pussies!
Anyway, I'm an old fart I guess, but, in the words of Groucho Marx, "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
P.S. Why 27? I'll give you one guess.

We All Have to Grow Up Sometime

Flaming Lips

Listen to "Mr. Ambulance Driver" from the upcoming new Lips CD.

WOW!

I'm not sure what part of this story is more ridiculous. The fact this idiot drank part of a case of shitty beer right before giving birth (although with a BAC of 0.21, it's more likely she drank the case by herself) or that she claimed to not even realize that she was pregnant. Or how about the fact that someone would have the guts to actually fuck this damn freak! Sorry to be so harsh, but yikes! (Thanks SFChick)

Silly Japanese Antics

Click here to watch 'backpackjets1'

WHO?

Lenny Kravitz...Professional Anachronism

After reading SF Chick's post about Lenny Kravitz' new gig as an interior designer, I had to laugh. Poor Lenny. In the music world he'll always be a third generation Hendrix-clone, and in his new venture I'm afraid he's already been trumped as well...by Herve Villechaize! Yes, the diminutive, dead midget, famous for sighting seaplanes well ahead of much taller Hispanic gentlemen, was into the design game long ago. Lenny can only drool over the fantastic worlds that Herve created with just a few throw pillows and some shag carpeting. Visit for yourself Herve's Luv Pad!
And yes, SF, you are quite right. Rock and Roll is dead.

FAST FILM

This film contains everything that a great movie should contain: a hero played by a guy like Bogey, Cary Grant or Sean Connery; a beautiful girl like Marylin, Liz Taylor or Brigitte Bardot; and a super-evil villain like Godzilla, Dr. No, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein or Dracula. In fact, this movie does contain all of these characters! Throw in a love story, a spectacular chase, and an enormous good against bad final battle, and this is what you get. All in just under 14 minutes, no less.

WATCH FAST FILM

"What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim. To him, your celebration is a sham; your boasted liberty, an unholy license; your national greatness, swelling vanity; your sound of rejoicing are empty and heartless; your denunciation of tyrants brass fronted impudence; your shout of liberty and equality, hollow mockery; your prayers and hymns, your sermons and thanks-givings, with all your religious parade and solemnity, are to him, mere bombast, fraud, deception, impiety, and hypocrisy -- a thin veil to cover up crimes which would disgrace a nation of savages. There is not a nation on the earth guilty of practices more shocking and bloody than are the people of the United States, at this very hour."

Not much has changed in the over 100 years that Frederick Douglass delivered this speech. Only the facts that more and more of us are becoming inslaved to rich, corporate America, we are well on our way to tyranny and don't even realize it, and, at this stage, a lot of Americans don't have enough education to figure any of this out. I used to wonder how Germany was so easily persuaded to follow Hitler down a path of tyranny and destruction. Not anymore. Do something about it.