Hair Metal Scholars Set World Straight on Global Issues

Luckily, just when America seems poised on the brink of utter chaos and ruin, when our leaders seem brutish and out of touch with the common people, when Third World countries have the audacity to attack our pristine shores and disgrace us with their "weird religions," some true America heros have stepped up to the plate to drive our great country to home plate with a mighty grand slam of good old, rock-n-roll common sense.



True leaders like Dennis Madalone have "rocked out" and given us a heartfelt reason to believe in America once again.



Dudes like Bobbi Blazer and Mickey Maxx of Tuff Shitz are not afraid to stand up to cowards like Osama Ben Laden and say "America is rockin' on and looking sweeter than molasses coated vagina."

And now a real American hero is poised to become our next leader. Ted Nugent has never been afraid of pansy-asses whether it was in the late sixties when the "Nuge" would tell those dirty hippie scumfucks to "shove that damn grass straight up yer keyster, buddy!" or here in the new millennium when our Ted doesn't back off from liberal, lesbian, pro-choice dirtbags who want to take our guns away and use them to kill babies! If anyone is gonna do some killin'...let it be Ted.

"Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em!" he screamed at a recent NRA (Nazis Rock America) rally. "To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. Will and Grace? Dead! I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."