Woman Beats Off Burglar

Weaverville, NC (AP) --
A grandmother stopped an intruder from entering her home by sexually gratifying him, police said Friday.

Jean Collop was woken early on Tuesday morning by the sound of an intruder on the roof of her home in Weaverville, North Carolina.

"I grabbed the first thing that came to hand -- a bottle of hand lotion -- and grabbed at his fly and pulled out Johnny Winkler," she recalled.

"He lay there and I began to scream. I went back into the kitchen and found a beer for him in case he came too fast. I didn't want to beat him off again."

A neighborhood good samaritan, one Jackie Lope


alerted police who arrived shortly afterward who arrested this man:

Cletus Strongsmellow, professional bar stool.
Strongsmellow allegedlly told police, "I weren't trying to steal nuthin'. It's just how I get my jollys." Local police chief Nut Goneflake, Jr. III admitted, "Cletus does this shit all the damn time."
He added: "Our usual advice would be not to get involved, but to contact the police straight away," said a spokesman for the Weaverville Police.

"We do appreciate that in the heat of the moment people react to that situation, and if it results in a happy outcome that's great."