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Rock and Roll Confidential: Whose Butt Reeks?

This is one of the funniest sites ever. If you have ever been in a band yourself, you know there's no hope of taking a group photo that doesn't somehow make the band look like wankers. I don't care if it's posed or candid, you either look like a bunch of pretentious fags or drunken retards. You can only hope and pray that your band is not in the Hall of Douchebags. One Chattanooga band already resides in the hall. As soon as my new band takes a publicity shot, I'll just go ahead and submit it to the Hall myself and get it over with. Oh, the shame.

Bush Opens Democratic Forum in Iraq

Facility to provide learning opportunities for all Iraqis
More than 3,000 people -- including men, women, he/shes, misogynists, tribal leaders, pedophiles, farmers, serial killers, and students -- gathered in Hilla, Iraq, to celebrate the opening of the Ye Old Regional Democracy Center and Mudwrestling Emporium.
The center, about 95 kilometers south of Baghdad, is designed to provide a gathering place for Iraqis of all backgrounds to discuss principles of democracy, develop programs aimed at empowering their own groups and civil society initiatives, and have a good old time drinking Budweiser and watching naked women fight in baby pools filled with mud.
The center's founder Saywhat Farqat Al Quiznos said to those in attendance, "From here, we will all -- Shi'ia, Sunni, and Kurd -- start building a new democracy in Iraq ... I hope this baby pool will be filled with all Iraqis, especially women with large breasts, with my sisters ... with your eyes, you will see a new democratic Iraq, free to engage in mindless, alcohol-fueled foolishness ... say yes for a united Iraq!"

President Bush sent a videotaped message for the opening ceremonies, in which he thanked Quiznos for his efforts and tasty submarine sandwiches, recalling the founder's recent words, "For 35 years we didn't know about mudwrestling, wet t-shirt contests, or bukkake. Now we want to learn about it."
Bush said, "Like you, I believe bukkake can thrive in Iraq and replace your nation's rich cultural and religious traditions ... the American people stand with you as you build a free and democratic Iraq."

Attention World: I Hate You!

Lately, I've been listening obsessively to my favorite web radio station, 3WK Classic Underground Radio. In fact, what I like about 3WK, is it's all shit from the late 60's, early 70's FM radio glory days (when d.j.s were unobtrusive and merely said something like "I'm Bruce and now here's some Blodwyn Pig) and most of the songs are pretty obscure. Recently I heard a song by a psychedelic band called Ultimate Spinach who were purveyors of something called the "Bosstown Sound, whatever the hell that was.

IAN BRUCE-DOUGLAS
By all accounts, Ultimate Spinach were ultimately pretty shitty, but still had that certain, special something...a definite bad attitude that pushed them away from the typical hippie psychedelia and positioned them closer to weirdos like the Fugs. Musically, the band traded on the usual well-worn blues riffs extended to mind-numbing lengths featuring long, modal-based guitar noodling. The lyrics, however, revealed a deep-seated disturbance with the hippie stance. Sentiments like "I'd just as soon kill you as look at you so LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!"don't exactly conjure visions of the peace and love hucksters (er... hippies) but do foresee the two years or so after the Summer of Love when these same flower-power advocates would be caught up in the coke and smack scene and would be dealing with the bad vibes of the post-Manson death blow to the counter-culture movement.

But that's all ancient history. Ian Bruce-Douglas was the brains behind Ultimate Spinach, and he is still lurking around the fringes making music, probably more of a malcontent than ever. It's heartening to know that there are still freaks like Bruce-Douglas out there, so the legions of black-hooded sweatshirt-wearing, crusty fuck-mooks who think they invented indie-rock can be stared straight in the face by some aging maniac and take their proper position, which is bent over with their dirty fucking jeans around their ankles begging for mercy.
Check out the interview for the Ian Bruce-Douglas story.